The name of my autobiography is Leaving a Voice. It is a culmination of my life through short episodes. Whether intentionally or unknowing, these events have led me to this point in my life.
Hitching a ride on my life’s journey is all the useless baggage that keeps certain events fresh in my mind. Regrettably, this baggage doesn’t trigger a complete account of the events as they occurred. Even though I can recall incidents that happened in my life, there are certain moments that are vague or absent. Sometimes there's a huge gap between the beginning of the incidents and the lesson learned at the end of the day.
The lapse of memory or gap in memory is the results of not living in the moment. Defined as a state of mindlessness, this condition can leave a writer searching to fill a void or complete an episode. Sometimes I question myself as to whether I really forgot what happened or if I was just preoccupied at the moment.
For example, I remember one episode during my high school years when our basketball team played an out-of-town game. With five minutes left in the competition, our team was down by three points. The referee called a jump ball between the opponent’s guard and me. Quickly I leaped up. Propelled by the momentum of the jump I stretched, spiked the ball, and landed crouched from the weight of gravity as the ball bounded into my hands.
I looked around. The crowd was silent, both teams stood without movement or words. Had I done something wrong? I turned to give the ball to the referee - too many steps. The ref blew his whistle. Charged with walking, the opponent got the ball and won the game.
With those thirty-five seconds came a lifetime of flashbacks and guilt, but the two hours after that incident vanished from my memory forever. I believe I had no thoughts because I never lived those moments. My thoughts were not in the present but in the past – the game play itself. So, things that happened to me or around me in those two hours passed without my mental knowledge.
Not every thing that happened that night stayed with me. After the incident, the next thing I remember was the ride home on the bus. The feeling of isolation, the profound embarrassment for making such a stupid mistake weighted heavily in my heart. I’ve lived every moment of that play from the time I leaped to reach the stars until my confusion at the end of the game every year of my life.
Writing my autobiography has made me aware of the mindless task I do every day. I believe this mindlessness is why I sometimes forget why I walked into a room. I’ve concluded that if I wish to incorporate my later years in my memoirs, it would be a good idea to live the rest of my life in the moment and enjoy its presence. These wakeful moments helps weave the strings of my life, and my complete thoughts of them.
2/11/2010 8:31:17 PM
Mindlessness
Leaving a Voice
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- New to the writing world, I live with my husband of twenty years in Chicago, Illinois. I have been retired from the work force for fifteen years doing small jobs to earn money and keep constructively busy. I love to garden and have been painting and drawing all of my life. Although challenged with the English language, I found comfort when writing came into my life in the form of rhyming verses. Poetry was an outlet for emotions I needed to express, and because I am dyslexic, this form was easy for me. Later, after 17 years of research, I wrote and published my first book called People of Difference, which is a paternal genealogy study. It was after writing People of Difference that I decide to try my hand at actually writing a short fictional novel. In 1983, I wrote and published Moments of Feelings – a fictional story about a young girl starting life on her own. I received so much pleasure from writing Moments of Feelings that I decided to learn the trade of writing. Although I haven’t written a lot of poetry since I’ve started my ‘late in life endeavor,’ I am hoping the world will keep me on my toes in developing the skills of writing.
